Keeping It Real
I've been away from this space, I know. And I left without warning or explanation. I'm back now and I feel comfortable sharing a little about where I've been.
Several weeks ago Alex and I were thrilled to learn we were expecting our second child. It was especially fabulous news for us because it has been so challenging for us to conceive. I spent the next little while in a splendid daze of queasiness and bliss. Thanksgiving day brought us heartache though, as I woke that morning with something just not right with the baby. We spent most the day in the ER as I miscarried our child.
My parents and sisters rushed to be with us and to care for Burl while Alex and I waited at the hospital. As he and I drove home later that day, I was filled with two overwhelming and opposing emotions. I was so, so sad for what had just happened. Yet I was overwhelmingly thankful for the life I live. For my husband. For our beautiful son. For the life that had been inside me. For the happiness I have. And I felt that if these are the worst conditions I'm having to endure, I will endure them willingly.
I spent the next week or so feeling sad and sorry for our loss. I tried embracing the despare and really allowing myself to experience the grief. I tried finding the proper balance between feeling disappointment yet not wallowing in sadness.
I'm on my way back up now and I feel good. I have deeply rooted beliefs in a Savior and Father in Heaven who love me and want me to be happy. I am blessed, and I know I will continue to be blessed. So thank you for being patient while I was away. And thank you for being my friends.